How can so many bad things happen to one person and none to other people?

30 March
I really don’t feel like doing anything right now. So I’ll write about my life…

Hmm. This week has been pretty stressful. As usual, I guess.

I got a D (9/15) on a pre-calc quiz I had to take last Friday. So that’s just GREAT. I still have an A in the class, but it’s a lower A now, and we have a huge test tomorrow so I have to do good on it. =\

But I left my math book at school so darn … can’t study!

Geez I’m turning into a slacker.

But at least I got an 18/20 on my APUSH quiz. But it made my grade go DOWN, because before I had 100% in the test/quiz category, and now I don’t. But I still have a really good grade for it being APUSH.

American Idol last night: I LIKED LISA. I thought she was really good in the Top 24 round, but she hasn’t been as good in the Top 12.

She is still better than Ace, Bucky, and Kellie though! THEY AREN’T EVEN THAT GOOD. For Ace and Kellie, America is just voting on looks and that is not what it’s about. They aren’t even that good of singers and I’m afraid they’re going to stay around way longer than they should.

And for Bucky … America obviously isn’t voting on looks for him. But I actually do enjoy watching him, especially this week, I thought it was one of his best performances. But I don’t think he’s better than Lisa can be.

Ah well … I guess this happens every year.

I’m kind of bored by AI. Not that the contestants aren’t good, because they are, and not that Paula hasn’t been … entertaining (?) to watch … because she has … but I’m just losing interest in general. Which makes me a little sad.

Yesterday was my last day of tutoring. YAY. I liked it and it was a good experience and everything, but I just got sick of it. So I’m done now.

Today I had a mock interview for Academy of Finance. It was at an employment agency.

It went well, I think. It doesn’t matter for anything, just for practice. Except if they decide to hire an intern this summer and I apply, they might be more inclined to hire me because they knew me from before.

Because it was a mock interview, she gave me critique. She said I did very well. She said I had good eye contact but drifted a little. Oh well. I don’t like to stare people down. And she also said I was playing with my hands, which I was. I hate stuff like this though … I don’t think it should matter.

About my answers, she said they were good and thorough and everything. The only thing she said was sometimes she didn’t know what I was saying. I don’t know if she meant like I was mumbling or she didn’t know what my point was. Either way, she didn’t seem to think it was that big of a deal. I think it only happened on like one question.

So yeah, I’m relieved that’s over!

Last night I was having a breakdown practically, though.

Not really … just, you know, PMS and stress and everything.

My mom’s out of town, and I miss her. 😦 She’s been gone so much recently. One week in February skiing, one-and-a-half week in March skiing, and now a half a week in Palm Springs for business. But after this she won’t be leaving for awhile, until like the end of May.

I had to prepare for my interview, so I wanted someone to go over questions I could be asked with me, and help me edit my resume and cover letter and references, and help me decide what to wear, and how to get there, and all that stuff. It just would’ve been a lot easier if she was here.

I tried to have Kristen help me but she wasn’t very helpful. She would like answer one question I had and then walk away, assuming I didn’t have more to talk about but I did. I hate it when people do that.

Also, yesterday Dahlia found out that her mom might have lung cancer. She went to the doctor because she kept coughing, and they found a mass in her lung that might be cancerous. I think she is going to find out on Friday (tomorrow). Which also happens to be the anniversary of the day Dahlia’s brother died (he was shot by the police).

I had really mixed reactions about this. I obviously felt bad for her. What a week. What a LIFE, actually. So many bad things have happened to her and she has had such a hard life. It just doesn’t seem equal.

Let’s see. Her dad isn’t around. Her older sister has been into drugs, and has a kid who is Dahlia’s age. So like, Dahlia’s sister and Dahlia’s mom were having babies at the same time. Both Dahlia’s sister and Dahlia’s mom are in a lot of debt and don’t really have steady jobs to live on. One of Dahlia’s brothers is in jail and has been for awhile now for stealing. Her other brother was shot by the police like 7 years ago and died. The police shot him by mistake though, they thought he was his roommate or something. So that trial is still going, and they’re still trying to get money from the police department for it. And now her mom might have lung cancer.

And let’s see. What traumatic things have happened to me? NOTHING. No one I’m really close to has died yet, no one I know is in jail or in financial trouble or anything like that. My parents are divorced, but that’s it. And it was a pleasant enough divorce, and they get along. My dad and my step-dad even get along and chat when my dad stops by sometimes.

I guess I’m fortunate but I just feel so bad. How can so many bad things happen to one person and none to other people?

I think it’s fine to feel bad for her. But then I started feeling self-centered and guilty for everything that I complain about, since I obviously don’t have much reason to complain when you look at my life compared to hers. But I was so stressed and tired and PMS-ing last night that I just wanted to complain and needed someone to talk to and complain to. And now I feel like I can’t ever complain in front of Dahlia because she’s probably thinking the same thing I’m thinking, that I don’t have that hard of a life. And I just felt like I had no one to talk to and even if I had talked to anyone, I would have been complaining and I felt like that made me a bad person or something. I still kind of feel that way. I shouldn’t even be complaining about anything is how I feel but eh. It made me feel crappy. Which made me go in circles even more because it’s not me I should be feeling bad for. I don’t know!!

Anyway. It’s sad. Hopefully it’s not cancer.

Oh geez, Dahlia made the saddest comment. She was like, “My eyes hurt.” And Kristen asked why, and she said, “Crying. I’ve done a lot of it this week.” Aww. 😦 😦 😦

I don’t know what to say to her. When people I know better tell me things like this, like when Marina used to call me crying at least once a week, I would know what to say because I knew her so well and felt more comfortable around her. I really like Dahlia but I don’t know her THAT well, I mean I’ve only known her since like October. I just don’t know what to say when she brings that up. I doubt she wants that I-feel-sorry for you look, but what else can I do? Not that she has really come to me or anything. She’s pretty private. But I mean when she just makes little comments like that, I don’t know what to say.

Enough about that, though … it’s too depressing …

Oh, I dropped my ipod on Monday. Which I had done before (see! This seems so trivial now!) but it had always been fine. But this time the screen broke pretty much. Only a quarter of the screen was visible, the rest was just blank. Like … frozen. It still played but I couldn’t see what was playing.

So my step-dad took it in to the Apple store the next day and they gave me a brand new one for free! yay.

But to put all my music on it, I had to download the newest version of iTunes. Which i did, but it needs quicktime to go with it, and whenever I try to download quicktime it won’t download and says there’s an error. So I can’t open itunes which means I can’t update my ipod and it’s frustrating. I don’t know what to do.

And I HAVE to figure it out before I go to Spain for spring break because there is no way I’m surviving that whole DAY of flying without my ipod.

Spain, by the way, is in ONE WEEK. I’m so excited.

There’s so much I have to do before then though.

I need to … pack, fix my ipod, make sure my ATM card works, buy stuff that I need to take, finish all my school work which is A LOT, and do things that I’m going to miss next Friday when I’m absent.

This weekend … well, Kristen is going out of town for a brides-maids thing or something. So I’m going to be home alone. Dahlia was going to come over tomorrow night and stay with me, but that was before the whole thing with her mom happened, so I don’t know where that stands now. If she doesn’t want to I totally understand, and I don’t want her to feel like she has to. I don’t want her to be here if she doesn’t want to be.

Then on Saturday I have the SAT. UGH.

Saturday night is Fer’s birthday party … it’s a sleepover. I need to get her a present before then.

And yeah … *sigh* I’m stressed out.

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One response to “How can so many bad things happen to one person and none to other people?

  1. This is just fascinating. It’s really amazing to go back and remember how our teenaged minds worked. I love how honest it is, and how your mind jumps from American Idol to possible lung cancer, but in a way it all holds equal weight for you. I see so much of my 16-year-old self in this… thanks for sharing!

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