Tag Archives: movies

missing something that was never there.

29 April
God my internet has been annoying lately. It only works like half the time and is slow. I don’t know what’s wrong.

I feel kind of blah right now.

Let’s see, this week.

Ugh for the Finance internship I found out I have a group interview on Wednesday. I do not want to do a group interview. Only this company does group ones (that I know of) and I could always say I can’t go (just have to decide a day in advance) because more interviews/opportunities for internships will be coming later.

But then like, what if I don’t get an internship later? And I regret not going to this one? And what if it’s not that bad, and it’s probably a good experience for later on.

I hate making decisions. I wish I had someone to make this one for me. Because I know I should go and I’ve got nothing to lose, but I REALLY don’t want to. ugh.

Eta and Elyse have been annoying me like no other recently.

One, they’re so above everyone else and think they’re better than everyone. They think they’re the smartest people ever and the most morally correct people ever. And those types of people annoy me. Just be REAL, geez. Everything they do has to be soo PC and just “the right thing” and they totally judge other people constantly and you can FEEL it. Also they’re attached at the hip and even though they’re all about being nice and everything that goes along with that, they’re not so good at being inclusive and making other people feel good. They want to be, but they aren’t.

And I have two classes with both of them in them: APLA and Pre-Calc. And then APUSH with just Elyse.

Here is one, just one example of what they are like in each of these classes.

In APUSH we got a practice test back. There are 80 multiple choice questions but our teacher just made it out of 50 because otherwise it would’ve brought down people’s grades too much. And she went, “So for those of you who got more than 50, you just got 50 in the gradebook.” And Elyse calls out, “We don’t get extra credit?!” Ugh just the way she said it and the fact that she said it, like she had to advertise the fact that she got more than 50 and she thinks she’s so smart. And I know that was the reason because she doesn’t even NEED extra credit. She has like a 98% in that class and it will never go below that.

They’re just really annoying lately.

In pre-calc … I have a B- for this quarter right now. But the quarter just started and we’ve only had like 6 assignments. Four homeworks and two quizzes. On one of the quizzes I got a D (=\ I need to make that up) and the other an A-, so I guess it averages out out 80%. Blah. That kinda sucks.

In Chemistry I have an A and it’s going well and everything. I finally took the test that I missed while I was in Spain and handed in the packet, but I didn’t do the labs. So my quarter grade probably won’t be great, but it’s just a progress report so whatever.

Ugh the test was so hard though. I took it yesterday after school.
1. It was just hard, period.
2. My teacher and student teacher kept talking. And talking, and talking, and talking.
3. Allie was in there getting help and was really distracting.
4. Various people kept coming in to ask for help or just TALK. PEOPLE, GO HOME. They didn’t even have to be there and they still were on a Friday after school?!
5. It was a Friday after school and it was sunny out and I wanted to go home.
6. Charla, Michelle, and Marina were waiting for me and I just wanted to go be with them!
7. They didn’t have to wait for me and I didn’t tell them to, but they did and it put pressure on me to hurry up because I was in there a LONG time. But then that pressure just made me work slower.
8. Apparently I never got 2 worksheets from the packet, so when those types of questions were on the test, I didn’t know how to do them.

It was just a bad experience & I think I did bad & I was in a bad mood when I was done. Bad, what a descriptive word, right?

I had a dentist/orthodontist (they’re the same person for me) appointment on Tuesday. I have no cavities, but I have to go in AGAIN (and I HATE going there) next Tuesday to get my retainer fixed or maybe a new one. God.

Then I had an eye doctor appointment on Thursday and basically, I’m blind. I wear Acuvue 2 contact lenses. And apparently, that brand doesn’t make the contact lenses strong enough for me. So we’re switching brands to another one that is allowed to make contacts for a higher prescription. GOD Why am I so messed up? It’s funny and it’s not my fault but it’s just like, geez. I have the worst vision ever.

Yesterday after school Marina came over and we talked and that was nice. Very nice. Then Lucy came and we talked some more, then we met Michelle and Charla downtown to see American Dreamz. It was okay. I mean it was funny but kind of ridiculous, but then again I didn’t expect it to be that good. Then we (+ Devon) went back to Lucy’s and hung out. Fun. Charla gave me and Michelle a ride home.

In the car we were talking about colleges (always comes up) and I just CAN’T do that with Michelle. She is so clueless and it really annoys me when people think they know what they’re talking about but they really don’t. And people just get it into their heads that they want to go to Scripps or UCLA or Stanford JUST because they’ve heard about those schools. They don’t know anything about them. I just can’t have those conversations with Michelle, it bugs me too much.

And then after we dropped Michelle off, Charla told me that Eta was like, “Lucy won’t tell what she got on the SATs because she thinks she did bad. And neither will Corinne.” And Charla said, “Well I don’t think it’s because Corinne did bad, she just wants it to be private.” Charla knows that obviously but she couldn’t tell Eta that. And I don’t know … haha … is it weird that it just gives me some sort of satisfaction to be able to not tell Eta? Because it does. It really does. Eta bothers meeee.

And this entry has been almost completely about school. It takes over my life. In one week I will be done with AP tests and life will be better. Maybe? I feel kind of blah right now and I don’t know why.

Later
Late night update, yay.

Today I basically did nothing all day. pretty much.

I … went to Office Max with my mom. I cleaned my room. I went on the computer. It rained a lot outside.

I rented Two Weeks Notice and watched it with my mommy. ❤ I love that movie, so cute.

And now I’ve just been on the computer for awhile …

I was looking around on myspace and just looking at all these people’s pages.

Does this ever happen to anyone where you’re on myspace or something and you just get really … nostalgic? I don’t know if that’s the right word. Kind of.

Nostalgic because I miss old friends that I’ve lost touch with.

And even if I don’t care to be friends with the person anymore, just sad in general because everyone seems so … happy on myspace.

I guess nostalgic because I was looking at this group of freshman girls’ myspaces and they just seemed so carefree and fun and simple. They haven’t hit AP classes or colleges or any of that stuff yet. There group hasn’t split up into little groups yet, they’re still all best friends. I just miss all that. Even though freshman year sucked so I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Maybe I don’t miss it because it never was like that, I just wish it would be like that? I don’t know I’m being really vague.

It just makes me sad and I wish my life could be more like other people’s sometimes.

And this girl (Lauren is the specific girl, and her group of friends. she is my old neighbor but we never talk anymore) has/had a boyfriend … well I can’t tell if they still go out or not because both their pages say single, but there are pictures of them together and people commented with things saying they’re cute. And they comment on each others’ pages and end with “i love you”. So I don’t know.

But just the fact that she has this guy she’s really close to and she has all these great friends and they seem really close and know each other really well and just get along, and they are a fun group of girls. I’m just jealous. Not like bad jealous, I’m happy for her but I wish my life could be more like that.

She’s had a boyfriend and said I love you and I haven’t …

And I want a boyfriend or something but only because I feel like I’m missing out on that. I want to fall in love and have a relationship and all that stuff. I feel like every one else is experiencing this thing and I’m just missing out.

But 1) I’m really feeling so uninspired when it comes to guys right now. I don’t like anyone AT ALL right now. British boy? no. Tony? noooo. Brent? NOOOOO. And I don’t have anyone else in my mind that I would consider. and 2) even if I did like someone, it’s not like I would do anything about it. I’m too shy.

That’s just … depressing. I like the idea of having a boyfriend but I can’t think of anyone I would want to be my boyfriend.

The nice guys are my school are completely shy and antisocial or just plain strange. The cute/outgoing guys are jerks or just not accessible for me because I don’t know them or talk to them or I’m just not their … type.

Anyway, though.

I didn’t study for APLA or APUSH at all today. I’m really bad. God, I don’t even want to think about those or school or friends or anything.

I want to drink. I haven’t since I was in Spain, and even there I never got like really drunk, just buzzed. Sooo I think next weekend, after the AP tests are OVER and Katherine will be home (for her friend’s wedding) … hmmmm … I think that needs to happen.

Other than that … that’s pretty much all.

back to reality

23 April
I’ve been busy busy busy.

I miss Spain. A lot. I miss being there. I miss the sun. I miss being close with the 7 or 8 other junior girls on the trip. I miss Nancy. I just want to go back!

And it made it suck to come back even more to have alll this shit to catch up on. I’ve been so stressed this week. Still am …

AP tests are coming up and I’m dreading them like no other.

In APUSH we took a practice multiple choice one and I got 36 right, 23 wrong, and skipped 21. The example she gave got 40 right and she said most of the class will be around there. So at least I’m not that far from average. I think I’ll be better on the actual test because 1) I will have studied and 2) I won’t have been in Spain for 10 days, blocking US History out of my mind.

Let’s seee. I saw Friends with Money. Love Jennifer. The movie was a bit strange, but I liked it. Even though it was depressing and kind of confirmed my views about love/marriage/life. So I don’t know.

And I read Just Listen. It was waiting for me when I came back from Spain, a surprise, because I had pre-ordered it on Amazon a long time ago and then forgotten about it.

I read it pretty fast, for me (slow reader, and busy doesn’t make for reading books very fast, or often anymore). Do you know when the last book I read for pleasure was? Because I don’t. I think … oh … the Virgin Suicides in AUGUST. Geez. And I used to read so much. 😦 I hate you school for taking over my life.

Just Listen was good. My favorite Sarah Dessen books, though, are still Dreamland, Keeping the Moon, and the Truth About Forever. I don’t know why, those are just my favorites.

It was kind of like This Lullaby for me: good and everything, and I was into it, but I couldn’t always relate to it as much as the other books. It was cute though. Sometimes I wanted to SHAKE her, though. For not trying harder to stay friends with Clarke in 7th grade. For not telling someone about Will. For leaving Bendo that night? What?! I didn’t even get why she would leave. She could’ve just TOLD Owen and he would’ve been understanding. I didn’t understand why she didn’t want to.

Other than that, honestly, it was great. I just didn’t understand why she did those things, and it bothered me.

I squealed when Wes and Macy, and then Dexter and Remy made an appearance! I loved the Wes & Macy one more, though, because 1) I liked them better and 2) it was more subtle, so I felt more special when I caught it. Never did get the Boo one, though …

Anyway, moving on. I’m sick. 😦 So I didn’t do anything yesterday or today except homework, read Just Listen, watch Friends, etc. Oh, today I did some homework outside for two hours and got some sun! Of course, it’s burn, but whatever. I don’t care, it’s something.

Ah, 4/20 came and went on … Thursday was it? yay for that. *sarcasm* I didn’t celebrate. This year it was SO different from last year. It was such a big deal last year! Everyone was high all day, and everyone wanted to smoke so they could say they did or whatever. And I did “celebrate” last year. But not this year. I honestly just don’t care, plus I don’t like smoking anymore so … if it were a drinking holiday, it’d be another thing!

Speaking of drinking though, I don’t even care about that as much as I used to. For now. Maybe my partying phase has moved on. It’s just that for the past year, if an opportunity to drink would come up, I would take it. And I did. But now, I won’t just drink ANYtime. Just when I feel like it, or when I think it’s going to be fun. I don’t know. I still like to drink, love it, I’m just a little over always wanting to do it all the time.

What else. Oh, Kristen is looking at apartments to move out. 😦 She annoys me and everything but I don’t want her to move out. I don’t want to be the only kid still left! That’s going to be so depressing, so quiet around the house.

And her and Dahlia are fighting, I think. She acts like they’re fine, but I know they had a little fight on Friday. And then, Kristen was here all day yesterday and all day today and Dahlia hasn’t been over at all. Which is RARE. She practically lives here, or so I thought.

Which makes me sad, because Kristen is my connection to Dahlia, and if they aren’t as good of friends any more, when will I ever see Dahlia? Or if Kristen moves out? Dahlia better come visit me or something! 😦

Their fight was something about how Dahlia doesn’t like Kristen going out all the time (Dahlia isn’t 21 so she can’t go) and wishes Kristen would be there for her more in a time like this, or something. Which … all of it might be a little dramatic, but I love Dahlia. I don’t think she’s doing anything intentional to be dramatic, it’s just how she feels.

And her mom DOES have cancer, after all. I’m not really sure what’s going on with that.

Anyway, I better get back to homework. *sigh*

It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and I don’t believe in coincidences.

19 March
This weekend I hung out with Marina, Lucy, Devon, Brent, and Vanni at first, but that was kinda boring …

Then I had a Spain meeting. I leave in less than three weeks!! I’m so excited. I can’t believe it’s so soon.

Then, I decided to hang out with Katherine and her friends at our house. It was pretty fun! I like it when someone else (Katherine or Kristen) has parties at our house because then it’s still MY house but I don’t have to worry about my friends throwing up or anything …

Katherine’s sorority sisters are okay. I have 2 that are my favorites. 🙂

On Friday I went downtown with Katherine and her friends. I got a little annoyed though, because Katherine is SOO slow. I bought a pink t shirt from American Eagle, yay …

Then we dropped her friends off, and went out to dinner with our aunts. They wanted to see Katherine while she’s in town. So that was yummy?

Then Katherine and I came back home and figured out what to do …

For me it was either go hang out with Marina, Lucy, Devon, and Brent. OR Stay home. OR go out with Katherine and her high school friends.

I decided on the last one.

So Katherine and I pre-funked here a little … which was weird because I’m not used to doing that at MY house since my parents are usually here. But they were STILL out of town.

Then Katy and Elle picked us up and we met up with 2 other girls (all HS Friends of Caitlin’s. They’re nice).

So they had this friend who was having a party outside of town, not exactly that close. But we decided to go because Katherine wanted to hang out with them, so whatever they were doing she was willing to do.

It took like AN HOUR to get to there, and then we got to the house and there were like five people there! gah. We had a glass of champagne, which I had never had before and I didn’t like it. At all. And then we left because it was boring …

Took another hour to drive BACK. We dropped the friends off because they were doing something else, and went to Katherine’s friend’s house, who was supposedly having a party, too.

But we got THERE and there were only like 5 people there! WTF. But it wasn’t as bad that time because Katherine actually knows Kaylan. So we hung out there for awhile.

But we weren’t even there for that long because Katy wanted to go home, and she was our driver, so she dropped Katherine and I off at home.

We got home and realized we were both starving … so we went to a food place which is open until 2 and it was like 1:55 LOL. Katherine drove, she wasn’t very drunk at all (neither was I, but I probably was more than her). And it’s is really close to our house.

We just got fries and then came home and ate. Then after the fries were gone I decided I wanted a sandwich and Katherine made herself waffles.

And then we had like an hour long heart-to-heart conversation. We talked about college and what I want in the college I go to. Which led us into talking about her school. And sororities. And her sorority. And majors. And how I want to do psychology.

It was a very nice conversation. 🙂 I wasn’t like woo-hoo-crazy-party-drunk, but I guess I was drunk enough to be a little more open when we were talking. I probably wouldn’t have talked to her for that long if I was sober.

So overall, the night was an adventure. It was fun … but probably not as fun as Thursday night. And I have no pictures from Friday.

On Saturday I got up and walked around the lake with Charla. Ah, memories of Summer! It was a nice walk and talk and catch-up.

Then I came home, went tanning with Katherine, and went to a mall to go shopping some more.

I got four shirts:

-this white shirt that I bought because it made me look tan. It’s like sweatshirt material, and has a hood and a pocket in the front, but it’s way v-neck (have to wear a tank top under it) and three-quarter length sleeves.
-a red v neck t shirt.
-a gray tank top with lace at the top and bottom.
-a gray and white striped polo t shirt.

So that trip was a success. By the time I got home, I was so tired from walking around the lake (three miles!) and walking all around the mall. So all I felt like doing was hanging out with some girls and watching a movie or something.

I ate dinner with my family, then went to Marina’s.

Me, Marina, and Lucy talked about a lot of things.

First, about the latest thing at our school right now … this guy who graduated in my sister’s grade committed suicide last weekend. He was friends with so many people. Like everyone I talk to knew him and loved him it seems like.

He was dealing coke and was in trouble with that, and people say he was in a gang. He wasn’t really doing anything with his life … he hanged himself with an extension cord in an abandoned warehouse. 😦

It’s just really sad. His funeral was yesterday. This girl who is a senior right now went out with him and had broken up with him like two weeks before he killed himself, so she is a complete wreck. She hasn’t been at school. And she’s a cheerleader … and the national cheerleading competition is right now, and she didn’t go and they had to edit their routine the day before they left.

I guess he was like full of coke when they found him.

I don’t know … just really sad.

Then Marina brought up that last summer her mom was going to kill herself. She had not told me that before, wow. I guess Marina’s mom had it all planned out and was going to do it where she was house-sitting and would have done it if Marina hadn’t ended up going with her.

That’s got to be so hard. Her mom is getting better, though …

On a completely different subject (well, still the subject of Marina), she also told me that … on Thursday night, she gave Devon a hand job.

WHILE Lucy and Brent were in the room, and they didn’t know. LMFAO. I’m glad I didn’t go.

This is what happened I guess: they were under a blanket, and Lucy and Brent were asleep (they were all watching a movie). Marina had her hands on her lap, and Devon was like caressing her hands and then moved her hands to his lap and kind of guided her to do it? I don’t really know … I didn’t ask for ALL the details. Then she just finished it I guess …

LOL Lucy was SO weirded out by it. I think it’s hilarious. But I wonder what is going to happen now. Michelle CAN’T find out, after what happened last time. I wonder when Marina and Devon will hook up again …

Anyway!! Then we all went and saw V for Vendetta. It was really, really good. I don’t even really like those types of movies that often, but it was good.

We saw and sat with Vanni, Matt, Elyse, Riley, and Dion there, too.

I got home at like midnight, and had a snack with Katherine and then we watched some OC. Then I went to bed …

And that was my weekend! It was good. And LONG. I love three-day weekends.

But now I have to do homework. 😦

Kristen and Dahlia are in Disneyland until Tuesday. I miss them! But at least Katherine’s here until they get back.

Okay … off to homework …

in which I wonder if this is normal.

27 January, 2006

Tonight was pretty good.

I was in a reallly depressed mood when I updated. Charla called me and asked if I wanted to do anything, and at first I said I didn’t really feel like it. But then I decided it would be better for me to do something with her and take my mind off stuff (not that I even know why I was feeling so depressed).

So she came over. We went to visit Kristen at Starbucks (she works there) and then rented Someone Like You, with Ashley Judd.

It was really cute. I liked it. 🙂 I didn’t think there were still good chick flicks out there that I hadn’t discovered, but apparently there are!

We didn’t hang out very late because she is taking a practice SAT in the morning. That sucks. I’m glad I’m not. Even though I could use the practice, whatever.

When we visited Kristen she asked if I had talked to Dahlia at all today, and I said no I haven’t. Kristen said I should hang out with Dahlia and it’s not that weird because she’s only a year and a half or so older than me.

And then on our way home from Starbucks, Dahlia called me. She had just gotten to work (she works there too, that’s how they know each other) to visit Kristen, not because she had to work, and I had just left and she realized we just missed each other!

And I think Kristen told her, like, “You should call Carmen!” Because Kristen always encourages us to be friends and stuff (which is nice and all). And Kristen probably expected me to invite Dahlia over, since she had just told me that.

But like … it would be weird without Kristen there. Kind of. But more than that I would have done it if Charla wasn’t there. But with Charla and Dahlia would’ve just been kind of weird … I wouldn’t really know how to act or whatever. And we rented a chick flick that I doubt she would like anyways.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this but yeah. I just don’t want Dahlia to think I don’t like her or don’t want to hang out with her or anything, because I totally do. I don’t know what it is, but I always want to be around her. It always cheers me up when she is over or when she calls me or texts me or something.

And sometimes if I don’t see her for a few days or don’t talk to her or something, then I’ll miss seeing her and just feel kind of blah, you know? And I would tell people like my friends or my mom but it sounds so weird. She’s not even my friend, she’s Kristen’s. And I don’t usually care if I don’t see someone for a few days, especially if they aren’t one of my actual friends. Well, I do consider her my friend, but not like traditional meet-at-school type. But like I said she’s just the type of person I want to be around, and if I am not around her for awhile I miss her.

And yeah. Is this all weird?