Tag Archives: schools

missing something that was never there.

29 April
God my internet has been annoying lately. It only works like half the time and is slow. I don’t know what’s wrong.

I feel kind of blah right now.

Let’s see, this week.

Ugh for the Finance internship I found out I have a group interview on Wednesday. I do not want to do a group interview. Only this company does group ones (that I know of) and I could always say I can’t go (just have to decide a day in advance) because more interviews/opportunities for internships will be coming later.

But then like, what if I don’t get an internship later? And I regret not going to this one? And what if it’s not that bad, and it’s probably a good experience for later on.

I hate making decisions. I wish I had someone to make this one for me. Because I know I should go and I’ve got nothing to lose, but I REALLY don’t want to. ugh.

Eta and Elyse have been annoying me like no other recently.

One, they’re so above everyone else and think they’re better than everyone. They think they’re the smartest people ever and the most morally correct people ever. And those types of people annoy me. Just be REAL, geez. Everything they do has to be soo PC and just “the right thing” and they totally judge other people constantly and you can FEEL it. Also they’re attached at the hip and even though they’re all about being nice and everything that goes along with that, they’re not so good at being inclusive and making other people feel good. They want to be, but they aren’t.

And I have two classes with both of them in them: APLA and Pre-Calc. And then APUSH with just Elyse.

Here is one, just one example of what they are like in each of these classes.

In APUSH we got a practice test back. There are 80 multiple choice questions but our teacher just made it out of 50 because otherwise it would’ve brought down people’s grades too much. And she went, “So for those of you who got more than 50, you just got 50 in the gradebook.” And Elyse calls out, “We don’t get extra credit?!” Ugh just the way she said it and the fact that she said it, like she had to advertise the fact that she got more than 50 and she thinks she’s so smart. And I know that was the reason because she doesn’t even NEED extra credit. She has like a 98% in that class and it will never go below that.

They’re just really annoying lately.

In pre-calc … I have a B- for this quarter right now. But the quarter just started and we’ve only had like 6 assignments. Four homeworks and two quizzes. On one of the quizzes I got a D (=\ I need to make that up) and the other an A-, so I guess it averages out out 80%. Blah. That kinda sucks.

In Chemistry I have an A and it’s going well and everything. I finally took the test that I missed while I was in Spain and handed in the packet, but I didn’t do the labs. So my quarter grade probably won’t be great, but it’s just a progress report so whatever.

Ugh the test was so hard though. I took it yesterday after school.
1. It was just hard, period.
2. My teacher and student teacher kept talking. And talking, and talking, and talking.
3. Allie was in there getting help and was really distracting.
4. Various people kept coming in to ask for help or just TALK. PEOPLE, GO HOME. They didn’t even have to be there and they still were on a Friday after school?!
5. It was a Friday after school and it was sunny out and I wanted to go home.
6. Charla, Michelle, and Marina were waiting for me and I just wanted to go be with them!
7. They didn’t have to wait for me and I didn’t tell them to, but they did and it put pressure on me to hurry up because I was in there a LONG time. But then that pressure just made me work slower.
8. Apparently I never got 2 worksheets from the packet, so when those types of questions were on the test, I didn’t know how to do them.

It was just a bad experience & I think I did bad & I was in a bad mood when I was done. Bad, what a descriptive word, right?

I had a dentist/orthodontist (they’re the same person for me) appointment on Tuesday. I have no cavities, but I have to go in AGAIN (and I HATE going there) next Tuesday to get my retainer fixed or maybe a new one. God.

Then I had an eye doctor appointment on Thursday and basically, I’m blind. I wear Acuvue 2 contact lenses. And apparently, that brand doesn’t make the contact lenses strong enough for me. So we’re switching brands to another one that is allowed to make contacts for a higher prescription. GOD Why am I so messed up? It’s funny and it’s not my fault but it’s just like, geez. I have the worst vision ever.

Yesterday after school Marina came over and we talked and that was nice. Very nice. Then Lucy came and we talked some more, then we met Michelle and Charla downtown to see American Dreamz. It was okay. I mean it was funny but kind of ridiculous, but then again I didn’t expect it to be that good. Then we (+ Devon) went back to Lucy’s and hung out. Fun. Charla gave me and Michelle a ride home.

In the car we were talking about colleges (always comes up) and I just CAN’T do that with Michelle. She is so clueless and it really annoys me when people think they know what they’re talking about but they really don’t. And people just get it into their heads that they want to go to Scripps or UCLA or Stanford JUST because they’ve heard about those schools. They don’t know anything about them. I just can’t have those conversations with Michelle, it bugs me too much.

And then after we dropped Michelle off, Charla told me that Eta was like, “Lucy won’t tell what she got on the SATs because she thinks she did bad. And neither will Corinne.” And Charla said, “Well I don’t think it’s because Corinne did bad, she just wants it to be private.” Charla knows that obviously but she couldn’t tell Eta that. And I don’t know … haha … is it weird that it just gives me some sort of satisfaction to be able to not tell Eta? Because it does. It really does. Eta bothers meeee.

And this entry has been almost completely about school. It takes over my life. In one week I will be done with AP tests and life will be better. Maybe? I feel kind of blah right now and I don’t know why.

Late night update, yay.

Today I basically did nothing all day. pretty much.

I … went to Office Max with my mom. I cleaned my room. I went on the computer. It rained a lot outside.

I rented Two Weeks Notice and watched it with my mommy. ❤ I love that movie, so cute.

And now I’ve just been on the computer for awhile …

I was looking around on myspace and just looking at all these people’s pages.

Does this ever happen to anyone where you’re on myspace or something and you just get really … nostalgic? I don’t know if that’s the right word. Kind of.

Nostalgic because I miss old friends that I’ve lost touch with.

And even if I don’t care to be friends with the person anymore, just sad in general because everyone seems so … happy on myspace.

I guess nostalgic because I was looking at this group of freshman girls’ myspaces and they just seemed so carefree and fun and simple. They haven’t hit AP classes or colleges or any of that stuff yet. There group hasn’t split up into little groups yet, they’re still all best friends. I just miss all that. Even though freshman year sucked so I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Maybe I don’t miss it because it never was like that, I just wish it would be like that? I don’t know I’m being really vague.

It just makes me sad and I wish my life could be more like other people’s sometimes.

And this girl (Lauren is the specific girl, and her group of friends. she is my old neighbor but we never talk anymore) has/had a boyfriend … well I can’t tell if they still go out or not because both their pages say single, but there are pictures of them together and people commented with things saying they’re cute. And they comment on each others’ pages and end with “i love you”. So I don’t know.

But just the fact that she has this guy she’s really close to and she has all these great friends and they seem really close and know each other really well and just get along, and they are a fun group of girls. I’m just jealous. Not like bad jealous, I’m happy for her but I wish my life could be more like that.

She’s had a boyfriend and said I love you and I haven’t …

And I want a boyfriend or something but only because I feel like I’m missing out on that. I want to fall in love and have a relationship and all that stuff. I feel like every one else is experiencing this thing and I’m just missing out.

But 1) I’m really feeling so uninspired when it comes to guys right now. I don’t like anyone AT ALL right now. British boy? no. Tony? noooo. Brent? NOOOOO. And I don’t have anyone else in my mind that I would consider. and 2) even if I did like someone, it’s not like I would do anything about it. I’m too shy.

That’s just … depressing. I like the idea of having a boyfriend but I can’t think of anyone I would want to be my boyfriend.

The nice guys are my school are completely shy and antisocial or just plain strange. The cute/outgoing guys are jerks or just not accessible for me because I don’t know them or talk to them or I’m just not their … type.

Anyway, though.

I didn’t study for APLA or APUSH at all today. I’m really bad. God, I don’t even want to think about those or school or friends or anything.

I want to drink. I haven’t since I was in Spain, and even there I never got like really drunk, just buzzed. Sooo I think next weekend, after the AP tests are OVER and Katherine will be home (for her friend’s wedding) … hmmmm … I think that needs to happen.

Other than that … that’s pretty much all.


It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and I don’t believe in coincidences.

19 March
This weekend I hung out with Marina, Lucy, Devon, Brent, and Vanni at first, but that was kinda boring …

Then I had a Spain meeting. I leave in less than three weeks!! I’m so excited. I can’t believe it’s so soon.

Then, I decided to hang out with Katherine and her friends at our house. It was pretty fun! I like it when someone else (Katherine or Kristen) has parties at our house because then it’s still MY house but I don’t have to worry about my friends throwing up or anything …

Katherine’s sorority sisters are okay. I have 2 that are my favorites. 🙂

On Friday I went downtown with Katherine and her friends. I got a little annoyed though, because Katherine is SOO slow. I bought a pink t shirt from American Eagle, yay …

Then we dropped her friends off, and went out to dinner with our aunts. They wanted to see Katherine while she’s in town. So that was yummy?

Then Katherine and I came back home and figured out what to do …

For me it was either go hang out with Marina, Lucy, Devon, and Brent. OR Stay home. OR go out with Katherine and her high school friends.

I decided on the last one.

So Katherine and I pre-funked here a little … which was weird because I’m not used to doing that at MY house since my parents are usually here. But they were STILL out of town.

Then Katy and Elle picked us up and we met up with 2 other girls (all HS Friends of Caitlin’s. They’re nice).

So they had this friend who was having a party outside of town, not exactly that close. But we decided to go because Katherine wanted to hang out with them, so whatever they were doing she was willing to do.

It took like AN HOUR to get to there, and then we got to the house and there were like five people there! gah. We had a glass of champagne, which I had never had before and I didn’t like it. At all. And then we left because it was boring …

Took another hour to drive BACK. We dropped the friends off because they were doing something else, and went to Katherine’s friend’s house, who was supposedly having a party, too.

But we got THERE and there were only like 5 people there! WTF. But it wasn’t as bad that time because Katherine actually knows Kaylan. So we hung out there for awhile.

But we weren’t even there for that long because Katy wanted to go home, and she was our driver, so she dropped Katherine and I off at home.

We got home and realized we were both starving … so we went to a food place which is open until 2 and it was like 1:55 LOL. Katherine drove, she wasn’t very drunk at all (neither was I, but I probably was more than her). And it’s is really close to our house.

We just got fries and then came home and ate. Then after the fries were gone I decided I wanted a sandwich and Katherine made herself waffles.

And then we had like an hour long heart-to-heart conversation. We talked about college and what I want in the college I go to. Which led us into talking about her school. And sororities. And her sorority. And majors. And how I want to do psychology.

It was a very nice conversation. 🙂 I wasn’t like woo-hoo-crazy-party-drunk, but I guess I was drunk enough to be a little more open when we were talking. I probably wouldn’t have talked to her for that long if I was sober.

So overall, the night was an adventure. It was fun … but probably not as fun as Thursday night. And I have no pictures from Friday.

On Saturday I got up and walked around the lake with Charla. Ah, memories of Summer! It was a nice walk and talk and catch-up.

Then I came home, went tanning with Katherine, and went to a mall to go shopping some more.

I got four shirts:

-this white shirt that I bought because it made me look tan. It’s like sweatshirt material, and has a hood and a pocket in the front, but it’s way v-neck (have to wear a tank top under it) and three-quarter length sleeves.
-a red v neck t shirt.
-a gray tank top with lace at the top and bottom.
-a gray and white striped polo t shirt.

So that trip was a success. By the time I got home, I was so tired from walking around the lake (three miles!) and walking all around the mall. So all I felt like doing was hanging out with some girls and watching a movie or something.

I ate dinner with my family, then went to Marina’s.

Me, Marina, and Lucy talked about a lot of things.

First, about the latest thing at our school right now … this guy who graduated in my sister’s grade committed suicide last weekend. He was friends with so many people. Like everyone I talk to knew him and loved him it seems like.

He was dealing coke and was in trouble with that, and people say he was in a gang. He wasn’t really doing anything with his life … he hanged himself with an extension cord in an abandoned warehouse. 😦

It’s just really sad. His funeral was yesterday. This girl who is a senior right now went out with him and had broken up with him like two weeks before he killed himself, so she is a complete wreck. She hasn’t been at school. And she’s a cheerleader … and the national cheerleading competition is right now, and she didn’t go and they had to edit their routine the day before they left.

I guess he was like full of coke when they found him.

I don’t know … just really sad.

Then Marina brought up that last summer her mom was going to kill herself. She had not told me that before, wow. I guess Marina’s mom had it all planned out and was going to do it where she was house-sitting and would have done it if Marina hadn’t ended up going with her.

That’s got to be so hard. Her mom is getting better, though …

On a completely different subject (well, still the subject of Marina), she also told me that … on Thursday night, she gave Devon a hand job.

WHILE Lucy and Brent were in the room, and they didn’t know. LMFAO. I’m glad I didn’t go.

This is what happened I guess: they were under a blanket, and Lucy and Brent were asleep (they were all watching a movie). Marina had her hands on her lap, and Devon was like caressing her hands and then moved her hands to his lap and kind of guided her to do it? I don’t really know … I didn’t ask for ALL the details. Then she just finished it I guess …

LOL Lucy was SO weirded out by it. I think it’s hilarious. But I wonder what is going to happen now. Michelle CAN’T find out, after what happened last time. I wonder when Marina and Devon will hook up again …

Anyway!! Then we all went and saw V for Vendetta. It was really, really good. I don’t even really like those types of movies that often, but it was good.

We saw and sat with Vanni, Matt, Elyse, Riley, and Dion there, too.

I got home at like midnight, and had a snack with Katherine and then we watched some OC. Then I went to bed …

And that was my weekend! It was good. And LONG. I love three-day weekends.

But now I have to do homework. 😦

Kristen and Dahlia are in Disneyland until Tuesday. I miss them! But at least Katherine’s here until they get back.

Okay … off to homework …

busy busy bee

26 February
I’m home from the vacay now.

It was fun and everything, to ski, but I can only ski SO MUCH before I get bored of it, and there just wasn’t that much for me to do there besides skiing. There was stuff for people over 21 to do … heh.

And the drive there/back is TWELVE HOURS. And we do it in one day. That was yesterday. But at least I got a lot of homework done … ?

Then last night I went to Devon’s with Marina, Lucy, Nic, and Michelle.

MarinaLucyDevon are attached at the HIP. And they’re so not inclusive, they’re exactly the opposite, so it’s really annoying. I don’t care so much anymore because I know Marina well enough to just brush it off and not take her too seriously. But it still bothers me a teeny bit.

Uh … we played Uno. It was fun because it was like intense Uno and it got really competitive. Except they were all making fun of me because I didn’t know what was going on. I was tired!

Anyway then I drove Michelle home and then came home and hung out with Kristen & Dahlia a bit, then went to bed.

I didn’t want to go to bed because the sooner I went to bed = the sooner I fall asleep = the sooner I wake up = the sooner it’s Sunday and I have to do homework and it’s the last day of break. Blah.

I hate Sundays. They’re so incredibly BLAAAH.

Especially after being on vacation for a week, where it was, well, really sunny, and then coming back to grey skies and rain.

And also the house in empty, which I hate.

Kristen is out for the day and my step dad went skiing and of course Katherine & my step brother are at college so it’s just me and my mom.

If this is what it’s going to be like when Kristen moves out … I don’t think I can handle that. I hope she doesn’t move out too soon. If she could just stay for another year and a half, until I go to college …

It’s just too depressing for the house to be so empty and lifeless.

God, I’m really procrastinating bad today. I don’t think I could say one thing that I’ve gotten done since 11 AM, when I finished my study guide.

After that though … there is nothing I HAVE to do for Monday, but stuff I could do or stuff I will have to do for Tuesday and later in the week … but there isn’t that pressure to do it so I just don’t. It’s bad.

And I really SHOULD be doing it today because tomorrow is Dahlia’s birthday and she is going to be over here and want to do stuff and everything.

She mentioned maybe going to the new movie theater and seeing Something New.

I definitely want to hang out with her because it’s her birthday, and just because I would want to anyways.

And she is for sure coming over for dinner because her family won’t be doing anything.

It’s sad … today she was saying how her mom told her that she was trying to save some change to do something/give her something for her birthday, but it isn’t looking good in terms of rent. And Dahlia was like, “So I won’t be getting anything.” Aw, it just makes me kind of sad. I know it’s not the end of the world but still.

Did I mention Kristen got a new job? No more free drinks from Starbucks! Except Dahlia still works there so nevermind. But Kristen has worked there for 5 years, which is like eternity in Starbucks-world.

LOL speaking of that, it’s so funny to listen to her and Dahlia talk about work because there is all this lingo about Starbucks that I just don’t understand. And they associate customers with what they order instead of their names. And they imitate stupid customers. It’s really funny.

Her new job is at a company behind about five radio stations here. One is the main pop one, and then there is the country one, which is really Kristen’s favorite. She is excited. She might get to go to free concerts and meet people and stuff! Since it is where they broadcast and record everything, if some celebrity comes in to get interviewed or something, they’ll come to her, because she is the secretary type job. So that’s exciting. Except she probably won’t know who they are, LOL.

And Kristen and Dahlia are going to Disneyland next month! So jealous. Because Dahlia has never been there. So Kristen was like, “we have to go!” Dahlia did running start in high school, so she is ahead in credits, so she is able to take next quarter off to work and try and make money for her mom and her trip to Europe, and to just relax. So she is done until September on March 8th!! NO FAIR.

God it’s a really busy Spring.

Monday – Dahlia’s 19th birthday, tutoring
Tuesday – Walk the Line comes out!, American Idol
Wednesday – American Idol, tutoring, Kristen’s last day at Starbucks, two hour early dismissal, have to finish Macbeth …
Thursday – American Idol, Kristen’s first day at her new job.
Friday – Kristen’s Starbucks going away party, dialectical journals due, class registration for next year (I don’t know what classes to take!)
Saturday – hope to get my debit card, rearrange my room, and watch Walk the Line or Rent. And Sara’s birthday party.
Sunday – homework of course.
Monday the 6th – Character projects due, tutoring
Friday the 10th – Mom & step-dad leave for another ski trip
Saturday the 11th – Tolo (it’s girls-ask-guys and I don’t really have anyone I would want to ask) or if I don’t go, parents will be out of town so possibly have people over? I don’t want another Charla incident though, so maybe I’ll make Kristen have a party. Since I like her friends better anyways!
Wednesday the 15th – Katherine & step-brother home for Spring Break
Thursday the 16th – Spain meeting, Kristen & Dahlia leave for Disneyland
Friday the 17th – No school hurrah
Saturday the 18th – Mom & step-dad get home
Sunday the 19th – step-brother back to school
Tuesday the 21st – Mom’s birthday, Kristen & Dahlia home from Disneyland, step-dad to Las Vegas for business trip, Katherine to Palm Springs for Spring Break with her friends
Thursday the 23rd – step-dad home from Las Vegas
Saturday the 25th – Katherine home from Palm Springs
Sunday the 26th – Katherine back to school
Wednesday the 29th – Mom & step-dad leave for Palm Springs for business trip
Saturday the 1st – SAT, oh joy. Mom & step-dad home from Palm Springs
Sunday the 2nd – Fer’s 17th birthday
Wednesday the 5th – Spain meeting
Friday the 7th – Leave for SPAIN!!! Start of Spring Break
Sunday the 15th – Get home …
Week of the 17th – WASL Testing for Sophomores = sleeping in for Juniors!
Tuesday the 25th – Belle & Sebastian concert but tickets are probably already sold out.
Thursday the 4th – APLA Exam.
Friday the 5th – APUSH Exam.
Saturday the 6th – maybe SAT II U.S. History test?

And then some weekend within the next few months I hope to go up to ski with my friends because we have never done that. Like Michelle, Eta, and Lucy ’cause they’re the ones who ski/snowboard.
And we might go to Dahlia’s cabin some weekend, and go visit Katherine some weekend. The Decemberists are going to her school on April 15th, and I would SO go then, but I’ll be in Spain. Oh darn! 😉

And yeah. That’s as far out as I can remember. Not that any of you probably care, but I needed to put that somewhere because it was stressing me out just having it in my brain.

You know what I need to do right now? Watch Friends. Screw homework …

no more “sweet sixteen.”

2 January, 2006

Last night I went to Marina’s and hung out with her, Lucy, Devon, and Aiden. It was fun … refreshing.

After I was home, Eta called me at like 10:40 and asked if I was home, and when I asked why she said, “Byyye!” and I was like, wtf? Then I realized she was probably doing something for my birthday. But I had to go to bed because I had to get up at 5 in the morning to go skiing. So I texted her and told her I was going to bed but she wrote back and said to stay up. So I killed some time on the computer … and then when I got back upstairs at like 11:30 I had two missed calls from Elyse, and a text saying they were going to give it to me today instead of last night. Slightly annoying since I had stayed up, but it was a nice thought. I still don’t know what they got for me though.

So yeah, got up at 5:30. Ugh.

Kind of started off to a bad start because my mom didn’t say happy birthday to me until we had been in the car for an hour. Thanks, for remembering. Granted, it’s always stressful in the morning, trying to leave on time and not forget anything. So it probably just slipped her mind. And even though “happy birthday” is pretty meaningless and impersonal, you come to expect it on your birthday and then when you don’t get it you feel disappointed. 😦

Yeah … and then we got there I just felt blah and sad. I don’t know. Going back to school tomorrow, blah! It really SUCKS that my birthday is the last day of break because it’s such a blah day. I wish my birthday was … in the fall sometime. And never landed on a Sunday or day that might as well be a Sunday because it’s the last day of a weekend and/or break. Grr. Why didn’t my parents plan better?

I also just felt blah because I didn’t feel like skiing. And I didn’t feel like being around Katherine and Sarah, I felt like being around Kristen and Dahnlia. I’m bitter and cynical, but I was thinking about how much better I like Kristen (and her friends) than Katherine (and her friends). I mean I love Kristen & Katherine the same, and I used to think I liked Katherine a whole lot better. But right now I’m just way closer with Kristen.

Katherine and Sarah are just ditzy … GOD they both forgot their ski pants at home and had to buy new ones from the store. …

Anyways. Besides all that stuff, once we did a few runs, I was in a better mood.

I kept forgetting it was my birthday. And seventeen? Seems so old to me. I think of it like (I don’t know why) … 12, 13, 14 in one group; 15 & 16 in another; and 17, 18, 19 in another group. Now I’m in the oldest group of teenagers?! I feel so old. I don’t know if I necessarily like it … I liked being 16, haha.

Lots of people wished me happy birthday … whether through call, text, comment, IM, etc … so that was nice. 🙂 I must say the two that meant the most to me, probably because they were just unexpected, were Dahlia and Brent. Yes, Brent. I can’t believe he remembered and said anything. And Dahlia, that was just kind of unexpected so it was a nice surprise and it was sweet.

Now I’m home. Feeling kind of depressed which isn’t right for your birthday. I just hate the day that it’s on. Luckily next year it’s not the last day of break. Instead it’s like the second Monday of break. Wait, I’m not sure. But that’s what I think. I can’t believe next year I’ll be EIGHTEEN! Holy shit that’s so old. lol.

Hmm what else. I guess now I’m going to watch Friends. And decide what to wear tomorrow, and stress about the APLA essay that I at least have written, but that is SO BAD and I need to edit it. A lot.

*sigh* this isn’t really the best birthday ever. 😦